I hate plaid.

I really do. I've never liked it. Ok no that's not true. When I was eight I wore faded jeans and a white t-shirt with a plaid shirt wrapped around my waist. It was cool because I was EIGHT and had a sense of Alanis and Kurt running through my country bumpkin angsty veins.

Being a hipster and being gay usually means that you're supposed to like plaid. Quipsters love the shit. But that's just the thing - it's shit. If I had a dime for every time I defied quipster stereotypes I might be able to buy some land in Northern Lao.

And when people try to 'make an effort,' what ON EARTH ARE THEY THINKING when they opt for the plaid option in their closet?

The only time that plaid is formal is for Scottish weddings. I've always wanted to go to one. I have a newfangled obsession with Scotland. Have I mentioned this? Well fuck then that means that I must start liking plaid in a more general sense. I've typed myself into a corner.

Plaid still sucks unless you're Ewan McGreggor or getting married in Glasgow.